Daily Archive for March 6th, 2006

How can I get honor?

The most recent post by my boss, best friend and occasional beater of video games caused a subtle movement in my bowels that can only be described as indigestion. For this, I blame a happy upbringing and a cynical society. One of the features that have always made us such a great team is that I always have the opportunity to play the Yin to his Yang… or “Bad Cop” as we’ve mentioned it in the past. You see, sometimes you have to give up a chance to get honor in order to do the most good. Much like Ghost, I agree that this is a thankless job in which my efforts are often seen as horrific without even casual fellacio to show for it. Obviously there is something troubling each and every one of us. It takes a lot of courage to bring it to the surface… a quality that most don’t possess. My unique ability allows me to draw these weaknesses out into the open and stomp them out. Like the fat person who thinks that they’re attractive is only kidding themself. Sure they may be beautiful on the inside.. but that’s a lot to dig through in order to find it and most of us don’t carry around the necessary heavy machinery in order to find it… or for that matter, even a car-jack and flashlight.

I think what’s important to consider is that… as Old Worlders or New Worlders, we all want the same basic things… There isn’t one among us who doesn’t want that feelings of acceptance, security, and orgasms. I do my best to provide each of these to my fellow man (but usually woman). These may be selfless acts, but there should be a sense of self involved in creating a firm foundation (which usually involves working out). While the world may be hurting for not feeling what they can only imagine from seeing in movies, it’s important to remind people that that shit is fairy tales. There is no prince(ss) charming coming to magically wisk you away. There is no way to ‘weight and see’ as you sit around expecting the world to owe you something. If people aren’t capable of standing on their own two feet, then there’s little sense in pushing the wheelbarrow for them. Those who live life by leaning on others learn only to lean. In the end, you’re doing more harm than good. This causes co-dependancy rather than feelings of self-respect that I feel each person should possess. Have I been known to verbally tear people apart? Goddamned right I have… but that doesn’t mean I won’t pick them back up and help put them together again, giving them more focus in their life before I send them on their way.

As to the foundation part… I don’t have all the answers, not even for myself. What I do have is direction and the will to constantly push myself further to meet my own ungodly expectations. While most of the time it doesn’t succeed, I learn from my mistakes and it gives me new directions where necessary. What I’m saying here is… nobody can help others until they learn to help themselves. The same way you can’t explain how to fix a car if you’ve never done it yourself. Empathy and ignorance are a dangerous combination when combined with loose-lips and a moisture detecter on stand-by.

What’s the point of this? Damned if I have one. You know what your problems are.. and if you’re not already working on them… then today’s a great day to start. Nobody should have to shy away from the sad creature staring back in the mirror. People should learn to be proud of who they are. I’m not talking about striving for perfection, I’m talking about becoming who you truly want to introduce yourself as rather than who you wish you could be. Impossibility is just an excuse for never trying.

-Love, Lust, and spoiled Livers,

Felix

Ashe’s (Monday Rant): Heroics, Selflessness and Old Worlders

So maybe I should change this thing to Mondays, but then it’s likely that it would start coming up on tuesdays, so I suppose I’ll stick to the idea of a Sunday rant and try my best to start doing it the right day. Anyways…

So I was doing a lot of thinking this last week about the whole concept about heroics, honor and the reasons why these things aren’t around anymore (well, in America anyways, those of you who live outside the states may still have a concept of these). Though I think it’s actually mainstream society that has lost these concepts in the grips of consumerism, personal gain and the pursuit of success. On that note, here’s a quote for you:

“Success is obedience to a structured way of life
Can’t ignore that structure ’cause we’re all within its sight”

– Operation Ivy, Gonna Find You

I guess everyone has a concept of honor, whether it be integrity, loyalty or chivalry or whatnot. Thing is these concepts always seemed to be mixed with personal interpretation. A hero is generally regarded as someone who fights evil or is selfless and is possessed of extreme integrity. But then again a hero is also very uncompromising. He generally possesses a set of values, a moral structure, to which he will never compromise. These people are admired for their selflessness and willingness to help others, but I think the real underlying reason is that to live by a code of honor is so gods-damned difficult that it demands respect.
I’m one of those guys actually. I guess everyone wants to be one of these honor-bound warrior/zealot types at some point when they’re kids…maybe I just wanted it more. I have this set of ideals that I live by and I never compromise from them, and lemme tell you, that is hard as almighty hell. I try whenever possible to improve the quality of life for my fellow man and whatnot and I don’t get much n return for it. In point of fact this really actually is OK with me. I don’t pretend to be better than everyone else, I’m just of the opinion that someone has to uphold honor.
I think it’s the selflessness bit that people have a really hard time with. It’s a lot easier to say fuck everyone else and go for number one, but I think in the end it’s a lot more rewarding to just try and help someone out every now and again. See, I’m not really what a lot fo you might think. I don’t spend all of my time doing charity work and all that, hell I don’t even belong to any of those types of groups. Mainly what I do is listen to people when they talk and try my best to make them feel better about whatever may be going on in their lives that causing them stress. The trick is that I really do, in fact, give a shit. I always have to my knowledge. In point of fact I’m often told by my girlfriend and others that I really should consider that I do matter and should look out for myself a bit more. It just never seems to stick.
I once spent 5 hours on the phone when I was 24 with a 14-year-old girl who I didn’t know because she needed someone she didn’t know to talk to and was planning on killing herself that night. By the end of the conversation not only had she been convinced not to off herself, but felt that things would, in fact, turn out OK. For this act of trying to help someone I got a call from her older sister telling me I was a sick pedophile freak who should stick to talking to girls my own age. In the end it doesn’t matter though, that girl was pretty damn serious about suicide and she turned out alright.

One of the classic stereotypes I’ve seen is the loner character in RPGs. You’ve probably seen this character before; maybe you’ve even played him. He’s tall and gaunt and wears a black leather trench coat, wields a katana and rides a motorcycle. This guy is a hardass, one mean motherfucker if you will. Generally he has a tragic pass and will be very standoffish toward others.
Now, every now and again, this guy turns out to be a good person. This happens when it turns out that he actually has real drive and ends up risking his neck for his friends or whatnot, or some small child he gets attached to. I’ve played this character back in my teenage days, but in point of fact i never really liked him. The reason is that he had just kind of given up – he’d been a great person and something bad happened, he realized that it all wasn’t worth it and went hard. Basically he gave up. Usually something happens to redeem this guy, but he usually dies as a result of it.

Stephen King has been quoted as saying that he writes about “ordinary people placed in extraordinary situations” – this is generally what sets him apart from many other horror authors. Where one author may write about a monster in the closet, King is generally telling you a story about a community in which there is a family who has a closet with a monster in it, and how that monster brings the community into chaos. But we usually find that the community was already on its way there from the beginning, and the monster just kinda set things into a faster downward spiral.

The characters that the Cycle of Existence tells the story of are not ordinary people. They are extraordinary. This actually has little to nothing to do with supernatural ability, it has to do with personality. In all of the billions of people oblivious to the terrible things that happen out there when the lights go out (or even when they’re on for that matter), the characters in CoE are the people who decide to do something about it. These people could give a shit less whether anyone ever knows what they did or whether they really “save the world,” they care that they did something, if only a small thing, to fight the decline of reality. When I talk about those who call themselves Old Worlder I’m talking about what I think heroes are. These are people who take up a war against an insurmountable foe with passion, not out of obligation. They do all they can to save people they’ve never met who will almost certainly always treat them as outsiders and would likely have them locked up if given the opportunity. Most old worlders are not pretty-looking strong-jawed superman types, or even well-funded Bruce Waynes of the world. In fact, most people would be scared to death of these guys, if only for the fact that most of them will look like hell. Why do they do all of this; why go through all of this hell? Because the gods tell them to? That’s not the answer, though many of them are quite religious. They do these things because they are passionate about them. Because they know someone has to and because they know they possess the will and the drive to do it. No matter how hard an Old Worlder might seem, he’s likely the kind of guy who smiles at little kids and means it. The kind of person who really cares. This is why the human race in the game is not called human by default, they are Lirie-Kana “people of the struggle.” Most people think humans are a virus or generally scum, but I think that’s a load of crap personally. Humans are capable of incredible feats of compassion, will and hope. Now, they are also capable of horrible atrocities. In short, we are a balanced race of people. The problem with humans is most in the end do actually give a shit about others but it’s too hard to walk that path. The characters that CoE focuses on care little for recognition. They fight to know that they made a difference, even if only a small one. To me, this is what a hero is.

In life, of course, the Dark is far less easy of a foe to combat, There are no real antagonists to go after, no cults to stop, no demons to unsummon. Those of us who choose to fight “the Dark” as it is are those who fight against people losing their dreams, their faith and their hope. We don’t get much recognition either, but, as a consolation, we don’t get eviscerated by demons either. Heroism to me is a passion for improving the lives of others without interest in personal gain from doing so. Honor is staying true to your beliefs and following them to the end, no matter how difficult it is.
Power can be taken from you, but integrity is something only you can lose.

From Denton, TX 6 March 2006

– Ashe