Monthly Archive for March, 2006

Felix: Delayed Rants

Perhaps one of the greatest downfalls that’s been known to befall our crew is our inability to remained focused on the tasks at hand. This is actually a pretty common fault amongst American youth, one that is often attributed to ADD and ADHD, but really just goes along with short attention spans which is a part of our lives granted to us through a constantly evolving media-rich environment. However, the laziness on our parts brings up my own rant, which I hope to be far shorter than the usual author.

People rarely look back upon their lives and measure it by standard methods of time, but rather utilize adjacent events in order to establish what time in their lives that occured. I use this example to bring your minds to the subject of goals. Take for example, the last time you went to a concert. It could have been last weekend, last night, or maybe a few years ago. In any regards, this was in a certain part of your life when you were working for a particular goal. Maybe you were trying to focus on education, writing a book, sketching out a cartoon series, or just figuring out what the next step may be. What makes people great is their constant striving towards goals, be they long-term or short-term.

Obvious examples of long-term goals spring to mind such as finishing school, starting a family, publishing a role-playing system core book, etc. These are what I call ‘the bitch goals.’ Think about it… how often have you married yourself to an ideal of a long-term goal, only to lose interest after a few weeks or months and set it on the back-burner. I know from personal experience that there are many books that will never be published in print that have already completed themselves mentally. In retrospect, I think I do the world a great service in this regard. On the other hand, I’ve finished college (twice).

Short-term goals are far more common. Maybe you want to save up to buy that new video game… beat said video game… write your favorite detergent company to express how much you love their product… you get the idea. We like these because, as the name implies, they’re much closer to our grasp. Regardless of the length, there are still levels of difficulty between tasks. Maybe you want somebody’s attention on you in a romantic sense. Insecurities and social heirarchy can play a devastating role before anything is even initiated. My advice: Just smile and tell yourself, “Yo bitch I may be ugly, but at least I ain’t got no money!”

It takes a lot of heart, motivation, and dedication to live up to your goals, but it makes the events along the way all the sweeter. Ghost recently told me that, although we don’t all have the natural talent to succeed at things and/or do them well at first, there’s nothing that can’t be improved if you keep working. So that’s my rant for the week. Just keep telling yourself that you’re a badass (even if you suck) and keep with it. Inevitably, you’re going to improve… and once you reach the ability to tackle your goals with your head held high, the impossible seems a lot closer. I’ve got faith in you, go out and take the world for all you want

-Felix Out

Felix: Getting to Know You

I once told my mother that she had the freedom to ask me ANY questions she wished for an entire evening and that I would answer each and every single question honestly. After asking two questions, she quickly realized that not only was I serious about my part of the agreement, but that she really didn’t want to know. I still hold true to this statement. Most people can ask me anything and I’ll answer as honestly and completely to the best of my own comprehension. But secrets are often more for the benefit of the ignorant than that of the keeper.

My reasoning behind this is that people don’t really want to know anything that might destroy their image of a person. The deeper parts of a person, the secrets that they hide or parts of their personality that we all supress are, in point of fact, what make us human. Part of being human is the truth that we are all flawed. Be they flaws that we wear on our sleeves for all to see, or flaws that we hide so deeply that we lie to ourselves in order to deny their existence. But we all have them.

Many of us have been accused of being two-faced, and most people deny it as it is meant in a derrogatory manner. Even I have been guilty of claiming the accusation to be a lie, but it isn’t. Perhaps I didn’t want to think it was true, but I will admit that I act differently when I am alone with somebody I care for than I do when I’m out with the guys or hanging out with my parents. Oddly enough, these faces seem to be combining themselves as I find myself being more openly honest about not liking people… and god knows I act the same around my parents as I do with my friends… I guess I’m not too good at repressing urges anymore.

As Ashe alluded to in his own rant, understanding others is proportional to understanding yourself. The better you understand yourself, your instincts, your reactions, the better you understand others. Now we don’t all have the same tastes for food or music or even sexual preferences as far as gender, physique, or position is concerned, but as I mentioned in a previous rant, we all have the same needs. Knowing the words to say or how to touch somebody is really just a matter of empathy. Do unto others and whatnot. The impact is based upon their relation to you, meaning their level of trust as well as respect in the broadest sense of the word. This can make the difference between safety, comfort, sensuality, and sexual harassment. Although I stand by my word that ’sexual harassment’ only applies to ugly people.

My challenge for the day: Go and meet somebody new, even if it’s very brief. But ask them one question. “When we go our seperate ways, how would you like me to remember you?” If they say, ‘I’d prefer not to be remembered,’ you probably creeped them out. If they say ‘As a good lay,’ RUN, BITCH! RUN! Any different response should give a fairly good impression of the person, whether they’re aware or not. Just consider it an experiment in better understanding human interaction and self-image.

I don’t have any cute songs that I feel like typing out… so I’m just gonna walk away

-Felix Out

NOFX – Idiots are Taking Over

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A good song I thought I’d share
***
it’s not the right time to be sober
now the idiots have taken over
spreading like a social cancer, is there an answer?

Mensa membership conceding
tell me why and how are all the stupid people breeding
Watson, it’s really elementary
the industrial revolution
has flipped the bitch on evolution
the benevolent and wise are being thwarted, ostracized, what a bummer
the world keeps getting dumber
insensitivity is standard and faith is being fancied over reason

darwin’s rollin over in his coffin
the fittest are surviving much less often
now everything seems to be reversing, and it’s worsening
someone flopped a steamer in the gene pool
now angry mob mentality’s no longer the exception, it’s the rule
and im startin to feel a lot like charlton heston
stranded on a primate planet
apes and orangutans that ran it to the ground
with generals and the armies that obeyed them
followers following fables
philosophies that enable them to rule without regard

there’s no point for democracy when ignorance is celebrated
political scientists get the same one vote as some Arkansas inbred
majority rule, don’t work in mental institutions
sometimes the smallest softest voice carries the grand biggest solutions

what are we left with?
a nation of god-fearing pregnant nationalists
who feel it’s their duty to populate the homeland
pass on traditions
how to get ahead religions
And prosperity via simpleton culture

the idiots are takin over [x8]

Ashe’s Sunday Rant: Social Connections and Secrets

And once again folks it’s time for Ashe’s Sunday rant. Whaddya know, It’s actually up on Sunday this time. This week I think I’ll discuss social interaction, living and experience (points).

The human being is a social creature; an animal defined by interaction and social placement if you will. A lot of folks wonder if this is particularly related to upbringing in society or if it is an inherent factor, which, of course, brings up the whole nature vs. nurture psych thing. But that’s not really what I’m getting into tonight. Tonight it’s connections, interactions and secrets.

Let’s face it, the human being is a social creature. It’s not really arguable. I mean, even if you’re stranded somewhere for years eventually you just start talking to yourself and that part of yourself takes on conflicting personality traits. We need social interaction, we need to feel that we are a part of something. Whether it’s a group of friends, a working community or society as a whole, there’s something in each of us that longs to verify our own existence through the presence of others. But therein lies the secrets contradiction.

People hide things. All our lives we do it. There seems an equal need to possess secrets. Whether these are memories, regrets or dark aspects of our personality they seem to equally verify our existence; they often make us feel that connection with ourselves. To share a secret (not a little playground secret, a true one) is something that can be dangerous and liberating all at once. Take PostSecret for instance (postsecret.blogspot.com) – these folks send in postcards with a secret they’ve never told anyone anonymously and bear it for the world to see. There’s something about sharing a secret that’s so deep you can never let it go. Secrets have power, terrible power sometimes. They’re things that create the mystery of who we are as people. Most of these are often the result of our lives interacting with others. Thing is, it’s the combination of interaction, sharing, and keeping things to oneself that creates a person in a thousand different ways. You never really know anyone. Hell, most people don’t even know themselves that well.

Consider for instance, me, Christopher Ashe, owner of Broken Doll Studios, designer of Seven13 and the Cycle of Existence. A lot of people who read this have talked to me, interacted with me, and therefore I exist in their mind in some way. But none of you really know me. Some of you know my name, but I have a few of those, some of you even know me very well. But in the end the version of me that you know is a concoction of your own perception, created by the interactions we’ve had and the opinions you’ve formed of me and who I am. But most importantly, in your mind, I am a version of you. This is an interesting point to make.

As we move through life, we may learn things, maybe even many things. We will meet people here and there. But all of these things can be based only on what we know about ourselves, because that is the way we relate to others. We can only compare our feelings on a subject to try and understand the feelings of another. We can only compare our opinions and ideas to try and understand those of society or the world around us. This is often why people are closed-minded. They simply don’t have much to go on and aren’t interested in learning further, so they can only go off of what they know. Open-minded to me doesn’t mean more intelligent or even particularly more open, it means more objective. I’m a really open-minded person. The reason for this is I take what I know about myself when examining others as a small piece of information rather than the full basis. I use it to relate rather than to define. There’s the kicker – define. People often define things by the way they see things. More often than not this is the case in interaction. A person doesn’t really know they do it; they simply do. This is the main reason that people often utter the phrase “you think you know a guy” or “I had no idea she was capable of doing that”. In point of fact, you likely did. You simply didn’t want to go that far, too look past the things you yourself would do or how you want a person to be. Here’s a good quote for you:

“I don’t exist when you don’t see me
I don’t exist when you’re not here
What the eye don’t see won’t break the heart
You can make believe when we’re apart
But when you leave I disappear”
– The Sisters of Mercy, When You Don’t See Me

Hell of a line from a good song. Inevitably, we will never really know the people we interact with. Everyone has secrets, and a person can only go with what they know. I was married for 4 1/2 years and I realized after it all fell apart that my wife really didn’t know me that well. It’s quite possible that my current girlfriend of around 9 months knows more about me already. It’s really difficult to know yourself. It’s true, I’m not making that up. In some way we all hate ourselves and we’re all capable of just as much negative as we are positive. Looking into those dark places can be the most difficult trial a person will face. But the great game of interaction, friends and relationships is not to know the person. Face it, you never will. The great game is trying to put as many of those fragments of perception together that you can. And to do that, you have to put your pieces together as well, even the jagged, broken ones.

From Denton, TX 19 March 2006

– Ashe

Felix on Fate (Read Ashe’s post first)

Theology was never a close friend of mine. Most of my experiences with religion has been a nasty game of “I spit on you, you kick me in the balls” that runs back and forth as I torment followers of organized religion by testing them and watching them fall… only to be karmically punished. Perhaps not the best or most effective means, but I still state that there is method to my madness. My reasoning being: If one never questions what one is told, how can they truly understand what they believe?

Like so many others, I was raised under the Christian faith… following a heritage of southern baptist preachers. So when I came to an age of personal reason and found that I had no faith in Christ and I was inevitably to be cast into the flames of hell for my inability to hold those words true to my self. I tried living the lie for a few years, but it never brought me anything but inner torment and guilt, still dangling the inevitable fate along with the knowledge that I was lying to myself and lying to the power that I still call ‘God.’ Like most Nostics… I don’t assign a name. He’d tell me if he wanted me to know.

Having no book to fall back on or morons to tell me what I should think of all of this, it’s been a 5 year process of gathering what I can believe versus what I can’t. For the most part, Fate is a rather large part of my religion, and probably why Levi is always assigned as my personal entity in game. The conflict of pre-destination versus free will has been an argument for centuries… but it’s really pretty simple (if that’s all you ever think about) A lot of it comes down to how strong your will and how strong your convictions are. Consider the old game, Chrono Trigger. There are multiple endings depending on how you play the game. The endings have already been created, you can’t create your own.. but you only get one. Put this on a huge scale and the picture becomes a little more focused. The tricky part is when you take this away from your own personal views… and look to see how your influence in turn affects others. When somebody we love passes away, some will comfort themselves by claiming ‘a better place’ or ‘a new life to come.’ I see us as worm food post-mortem. But then what’s the point? Why was this person taken away from us?

The Bible teaches us that the wages of sin is death. That’s just silly… people don’t just up and die because they deserve it, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing you today. I sometimes fancy to myself that all of existence and the events there in can be traced down to an equation. Some giant equation similar to math.. but using foreign symbols that can only be described as fragments of the essence of life itself. Even the example of the butterfly effect is a part of this equation. A butterfly flaps its wings and causes a typhoon somewhere across the world. I can’t even imagine the intelligence necessary to create such an equation.. and then to play it out across 6 billion + individuals mixing in nature and the hands of Fate himself.

What I can fathom.. is that there are signs left. Obviously there is an idealism within fate. Everybody has a purpose within the cycle. Those who fail in their purpose or simply choose to walk away from it are given other options while others are raised to shoulder the burden. In the end… be it immediate or a millenia later… the equation must be fulfilled… the event will occur. So while I don’t spread God’s love… I don’t predict the future or try to make the world a better place by healing the sick… I commit myself to completing the equation where I can. Along the way.. I live my life like there’s nothing afterwards… because I refuse to spend a moment of my life thinking about my death. Life’s too short… too precious. Pain is a blessing, obstacles a gift… not at the time, no… but in retrospect. To coin the rather obnoxious saying, “It builds character.” It is… it is what defines us. Not only the shit we go through.. but how we handle ourselves and what we take away from it. Ignorance MAY be bliss… but there’s no glory in stupidity.

So do yourselves a favor.. go out and take that chance that you’ve been holding out on. It might just be a piece of the equation that you’ve been missing in your life.

-Felix Out

Ashe’s Sunday Rant: Fate and the Position of Order.

Fate. Destiny. Providence.

I just finished watching the pilot episode of Dead Like Me, which I was very impressed by. Among the main themes of the story therein are the concepts of fate, destiny, and predestination.

These ideas and concepts have long been a part of my own existence. I’m one of those people, I suppose, who has no choice but to see that things do happen in a progression and with some element of purpose. It’s really pretty obvious when you think about it. It’s not really a question of whether or not, but of why. Aye, there’s the rub, as young Hamlet might say. In point of fact I don’t think I really need to prove the existence of such forces to all of you. Kharma, God’s Plan, the will of Allah, whatever you like. It’s there, and I think we all know it. But whyso? Who plays those changes, daddy? to coin a favorite reference of mine.

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but someday the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightened position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

If that sounds familiar, it’s because I didn’t write it. I only wish I did. This is the opening paragraph of the Call of Cthulhu by H. P. Lovecraft and if you haven’t read it you should. I think that sums it up there. There was stated in a rather famous piece of text (it was the Bible actually, also a decent read even if you don’t buy into the religion) which stated “he who increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.” The Man in Black in the Gunslinger (the Dark Tower I) has an excellent commentary that also is quite similar to Lovecrafts words about the nature of man’s place in reality. That one’s pretty long so I’ll spare you it, however, read the book.

I run in some pretty intellectual service sometimes, I suppose, living in a town possessed of two institutions of higher learning. Of course, beyond that I have children and I also sometimes entertain wonderful philosophical conversations with high school aged punk rockers and men old enough to be my grandfather. Through all these conversations, particularly in this town, such philosophies as to muse at the nature of existence often arise, be they religious or simple ideologies formed of wondering at why things turn out the way they do. All of these conversations tell much about the individual stating, and often nothing at all. The point is nobody knows, and I think we’re all better off that way. Perhaps there is some beauty in that great mystery that may never be solved. Perhaps it keeps us aware that science will never defeat the greater power of the unknown, that which supports the power of faith, the necessity of it.

I’m an artist, a writer I suppose falls into such a category, but I am also, I suppose, an amateur philosopher. Often I find myself considering the nature of such things as Fate, Destiny, and the nature of why it all goes down. There’s a contradiction there of course. See, I’m a zealot (not a fanatic – there’s a difference folks), a person of extreme faith. So I don’t really worry about it, I generally just go with the flow. However, I love philosophy, I love theology and I love musing about existence. I’m very entertained with considering such things, It’s kind of a hobby of sorts. One that I share with most of humanity to some extent i suppose. I think if there were an incarnation of fate, it or they as the case, would be whimsical and erratic. Of all the gods and incarnations that exist and that could be applied to the Cycle of Existence, I’ve never been able to pin down whatever fate might be. So there we have the one (or two) oddities of the theology. Ana and Levi, the twins. effectively these are the only gods I conjured up, because in point of fact, they don’t matter. They serve fate and are the keepers of it. Fate itself I think is linked to the almighty Will of Existence, and chooses who it pleases to order its affairs. In point of fact, fate is a thing that you and I may never even grasp a fraction of understanding of. But I think in the end it’s better that way.

From Denton, TX 13 March 2006

– Ashe

Tuesday Soundtrack: Juno Reactor

An obvious choice for any high-action game, the Juno Reactor has also become the techno-industrial identifier for the Matrix Trilogy. With tracks such as Children of the Night or Masters of the Universe, no gaming soundtrack should be without a little J.R., particularly for those over-the-top combat scenes. Less than popularly known also is the remix Juno Reactor provided of the Gravity Kills song Guilty on the single of the same name. This track is nine minutes of adrenaline from start to finish and is excellent for an Anime-style fight scene in game. Much more of Juno Reactor may be useful in any intensity based scene. With tracks that range from the classic thumping club-style to the near ambient, Juno Reactor provides an excellent addition to any gaming music repertoire.

Pick up some Juno Reactor here.

Zombies

So after watching Shaun of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days later, and combining the fact that i’m in the process of reading Cell by Stephen King, I’vee had zombies on the brain.

Zombies are a classic horror element. There will always be zombies in the horror genre I imagine. Hell, there’s somthing undeniably creepy about the fact that they always win. They get you in the end. There’s really no denying it. So I figured since there’s nothing in the gaming rants section I figured I’d go off a bit on the old dead-shamblers as a campaign angle.

Now zombies have been done in roleplaying likely countless times. Hell the first thing that comes to mind is All Flesh Must Be Eaten, a tabletop RPG that’s pretty much all about zombie horror. Not to mention the ever-popular Resident Evil series for the video game fans out there. I figured I’d discuss a bit about running a zombie horror game on Seven13. Now while I ralize that the core book isn’t out yet it’s perfectly feasible to pull this off using the lite version of the rules from the Siege.

First off: the setting. This has to be a city. Townships and outlands will do. Population is the key to zombie horror. Townships or outlands are the goal for the PCs because it’s likely that after the shit hits the fan there will be more hope of survival away from civilization. What you generally want to do in this angle is put the characters in the center of a major city. Make sure they’re good and in the thick of it. No edge-of-town easy out; set them up for sull force. The population of the area the opening scene will be set in is a primary and generally unchangeable factor.

Second: Design your zombies. How nasty do yo want them to be? In the Romero era of the zombies we had the classic shamblers. These are slow moving creepers of dead people who, like the Cauldron Born of Lloyd Alexander’s Chronicles of Prydain are generally slow moving but equally relentless. Images of one-shoulder-up shuffling moaning folk come to mind here. Then we have the 28 Days Later/Dawn of the Dead remake era, where are zombies are screaming maniacs who run with reckless abandon on visual perception of a living target. Also, we have our horror-mixes from Resident Evil or Silent hill angles where you throw in other forms of horrific creatures. Now, I’m perfectly aware that if you run this angle using the supernatural aspects (Raze, Eth, Avatar) then the players are far-better equipped, but are they? Generally I think not. One may be tempted to throw all different forms of Dark creatures into the mix, however in my opinion the sheer numbers that a zombie horde creates are enough to wax a party of chracters in a stand up fight, powers or no. Moaning/shamble zombies or screamers/runners provide an element of safety. But in the end personally for horror I think there’s nothing creepier than those who neither scream nor moan, but give only a slight death-rattle. These creepies can sneak up out of the shadows on even a suspecting and paranoid PC. I like to make ‘em dread sundown. Either way, you need to have an idea of how your zombies will behave before you begin the onslaught.

Next it’s good to figure out how it starts and how it spreads and whether or not it will ever stop. This final aspect is the most important aspect of all for initial considerations. Will the PCs have any hope of end survival? If the zombies will never stop then the PCs will lose. Period. In zobie horror, there is nothing wrong with this I think. Generally I’m a GM who will kill the PCs only if it really works for the scene or if I have legitimate campaign-reasons to do so. But in zombie horror, all bets are off.

Traditionally as of late, it has become the general concept that zombieism is caused by a virus. However there’s really no fictional support for this. A virus runs its course, whether it kills you or not. If said virus can reanimate flesh, then we can expect that eventually, even if fueled by the eating of living flesh, that the virus will itself die. After the large population of a city is completely used up, and if zombies gain nothing from eating other zombies, we can safely assume that after a relatively short period of time (based on the nature of the need to feed the virus) then said zombies will expire. This idea leads us to believe that eventually it could be survived, if only by a fraction of a percentage of population. In the Romero era, there was no explanation for what started the plague of the undead. This is what made it even more horrific. There was no reasoning nor logic that could be applied. One day the dead just crawled out and the horror began. We were left with only the pondering line “When there is no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth.” Creepy shit. Either way, you have to figure out what causes it and how it spreads, the classic of course being from saliva (bites). How fast does it incubate/kill the character and, from a system perspective, can it be resisted or cleansed through supernatural power?

Once you have these factors in mind you are ready to get the horror on. Now, my advice is to call for standard character creation just like any other game. Allow or don’t allow powers (I would generally say I prefer to make this type of campaign totally CoE independent), but don’t give the players any idea of what the campaign will be about other than the setting will be [insert major city name here].

Once you open up the session, don’t just throw the zobies at the players. Build it up. Let the campaign seem to get going, perhaps even provide some angle leads of any style you like for them to follow, or simply let them take normal life-actions. Describe people on the street, actions they take, normal, everyday things they do. Emphasize life as the PCs know it, as we know it for that matter. Show them people being good to one another and show them people being assholes. Make it real above all. Make the players part of it. Introduce them to NPCs that you knowingly plan to kill violently, but make the NPCs real. Make the characters care about them. Once you see that the PCs are getting into the flow, it’s time to make them hurt.

Opening the zombie angle should, in my opinion, be first strange, then extremely violent. Perhaps the characters are standing around and hear an odd-argument or a cry for help from far away. Then someone on the street pops out from an ally and tears the throat out of the person next to them, showering the characters in arterial blood. Bring in an odd amount of sirens and then a few dull concussive explosions or suddenly have cars spinning off the road. Be talking in a perfectly calm manner when you do this, then raise your voice and go totally frantic. Make them wonder what in the name of the gods just happened.

Once you have this opening, you’re good to go. No matter which way the players go, make sure they get stalled and make sure something goes frustratingly wrong. Luck in zombie horror isn’t a nicely placed car that still runs, it’s falling asleep for five minutes and actually waking up with the zombie one foot fom your face rather than tearing your face apart. We’re talking nerve-wrenching anxiety driven onslaughts of terror. If you do give them extended moments of calm, go for the drama and develop the characters of anyone the PCs pick up and make them good, so it’s harder on the psyche of the characters when you axe them later. Above all, do not let the characters get free of the city (I made this mistake a few weeks ago and it died right there). If you do, make it even worse somehow on the outside. Break spirits whenever possible and make them frantic. Generally I say the GM should never be against the players, but in zombie horror it’s the only way to go. If a PC dies, let them take over an NPC or make a new character on-the-fly and bring them in. Keep it going and if you run out try letting someone else take over the GMs positiion and you roll in as a player. If done right, you can make an entire campaign out of a zombie scenario.

Make sure, also, to twist it up. Find new ways to get to the PCs, inventive places to hide zombies and interesting angles with the surviving NPCs. If you dont plan on doing this, just run it as a one night scenario and see who among the PCs lasts the longest. This is fun as well.

For soundtrack, I recommend Octane by Orbital, Silent Hill (particularly 2) and Resident Evil. Throw in some really heavy metal (Cradle of Filth, Death, Napalm Death) or whatnot when they really get into it.

That’s all I have for it I suppose. It’s nearly 7am and I’ll be calling it a night soon. Just figured since I had that in my head I’d share it with you folks. My recommendations, personally are:

– 100 point characters, Human, no powers allowed
– Silent shambling zombies for the opening, if the players survive long enough make them mutate into runners.
– Hybrid horrors in the outland/townships if they get that far
– Virus spread by bites; allow AFF + DEF – 5 save if bitten.
– Virus will run out if zombie has not fed on living flesh in 72 Hours.

Enjoy the flesh fest folks.

– Ashe

How can I get honor?

The most recent post by my boss, best friend and occasional beater of video games caused a subtle movement in my bowels that can only be described as indigestion. For this, I blame a happy upbringing and a cynical society. One of the features that have always made us such a great team is that I always have the opportunity to play the Yin to his Yang… or “Bad Cop” as we’ve mentioned it in the past. You see, sometimes you have to give up a chance to get honor in order to do the most good. Much like Ghost, I agree that this is a thankless job in which my efforts are often seen as horrific without even casual fellacio to show for it. Obviously there is something troubling each and every one of us. It takes a lot of courage to bring it to the surface… a quality that most don’t possess. My unique ability allows me to draw these weaknesses out into the open and stomp them out. Like the fat person who thinks that they’re attractive is only kidding themself. Sure they may be beautiful on the inside.. but that’s a lot to dig through in order to find it and most of us don’t carry around the necessary heavy machinery in order to find it… or for that matter, even a car-jack and flashlight.

I think what’s important to consider is that… as Old Worlders or New Worlders, we all want the same basic things… There isn’t one among us who doesn’t want that feelings of acceptance, security, and orgasms. I do my best to provide each of these to my fellow man (but usually woman). These may be selfless acts, but there should be a sense of self involved in creating a firm foundation (which usually involves working out). While the world may be hurting for not feeling what they can only imagine from seeing in movies, it’s important to remind people that that shit is fairy tales. There is no prince(ss) charming coming to magically wisk you away. There is no way to ‘weight and see’ as you sit around expecting the world to owe you something. If people aren’t capable of standing on their own two feet, then there’s little sense in pushing the wheelbarrow for them. Those who live life by leaning on others learn only to lean. In the end, you’re doing more harm than good. This causes co-dependancy rather than feelings of self-respect that I feel each person should possess. Have I been known to verbally tear people apart? Goddamned right I have… but that doesn’t mean I won’t pick them back up and help put them together again, giving them more focus in their life before I send them on their way.

As to the foundation part… I don’t have all the answers, not even for myself. What I do have is direction and the will to constantly push myself further to meet my own ungodly expectations. While most of the time it doesn’t succeed, I learn from my mistakes and it gives me new directions where necessary. What I’m saying here is… nobody can help others until they learn to help themselves. The same way you can’t explain how to fix a car if you’ve never done it yourself. Empathy and ignorance are a dangerous combination when combined with loose-lips and a moisture detecter on stand-by.

What’s the point of this? Damned if I have one. You know what your problems are.. and if you’re not already working on them… then today’s a great day to start. Nobody should have to shy away from the sad creature staring back in the mirror. People should learn to be proud of who they are. I’m not talking about striving for perfection, I’m talking about becoming who you truly want to introduce yourself as rather than who you wish you could be. Impossibility is just an excuse for never trying.

-Love, Lust, and spoiled Livers,

Felix

Ashe’s (Monday Rant): Heroics, Selflessness and Old Worlders

So maybe I should change this thing to Mondays, but then it’s likely that it would start coming up on tuesdays, so I suppose I’ll stick to the idea of a Sunday rant and try my best to start doing it the right day. Anyways…

So I was doing a lot of thinking this last week about the whole concept about heroics, honor and the reasons why these things aren’t around anymore (well, in America anyways, those of you who live outside the states may still have a concept of these). Though I think it’s actually mainstream society that has lost these concepts in the grips of consumerism, personal gain and the pursuit of success. On that note, here’s a quote for you:

“Success is obedience to a structured way of life
Can’t ignore that structure ’cause we’re all within its sight”

– Operation Ivy, Gonna Find You

I guess everyone has a concept of honor, whether it be integrity, loyalty or chivalry or whatnot. Thing is these concepts always seemed to be mixed with personal interpretation. A hero is generally regarded as someone who fights evil or is selfless and is possessed of extreme integrity. But then again a hero is also very uncompromising. He generally possesses a set of values, a moral structure, to which he will never compromise. These people are admired for their selflessness and willingness to help others, but I think the real underlying reason is that to live by a code of honor is so gods-damned difficult that it demands respect.
I’m one of those guys actually. I guess everyone wants to be one of these honor-bound warrior/zealot types at some point when they’re kids…maybe I just wanted it more. I have this set of ideals that I live by and I never compromise from them, and lemme tell you, that is hard as almighty hell. I try whenever possible to improve the quality of life for my fellow man and whatnot and I don’t get much n return for it. In point of fact this really actually is OK with me. I don’t pretend to be better than everyone else, I’m just of the opinion that someone has to uphold honor.
I think it’s the selflessness bit that people have a really hard time with. It’s a lot easier to say fuck everyone else and go for number one, but I think in the end it’s a lot more rewarding to just try and help someone out every now and again. See, I’m not really what a lot fo you might think. I don’t spend all of my time doing charity work and all that, hell I don’t even belong to any of those types of groups. Mainly what I do is listen to people when they talk and try my best to make them feel better about whatever may be going on in their lives that causing them stress. The trick is that I really do, in fact, give a shit. I always have to my knowledge. In point of fact I’m often told by my girlfriend and others that I really should consider that I do matter and should look out for myself a bit more. It just never seems to stick.
I once spent 5 hours on the phone when I was 24 with a 14-year-old girl who I didn’t know because she needed someone she didn’t know to talk to and was planning on killing herself that night. By the end of the conversation not only had she been convinced not to off herself, but felt that things would, in fact, turn out OK. For this act of trying to help someone I got a call from her older sister telling me I was a sick pedophile freak who should stick to talking to girls my own age. In the end it doesn’t matter though, that girl was pretty damn serious about suicide and she turned out alright.

One of the classic stereotypes I’ve seen is the loner character in RPGs. You’ve probably seen this character before; maybe you’ve even played him. He’s tall and gaunt and wears a black leather trench coat, wields a katana and rides a motorcycle. This guy is a hardass, one mean motherfucker if you will. Generally he has a tragic pass and will be very standoffish toward others.
Now, every now and again, this guy turns out to be a good person. This happens when it turns out that he actually has real drive and ends up risking his neck for his friends or whatnot, or some small child he gets attached to. I’ve played this character back in my teenage days, but in point of fact i never really liked him. The reason is that he had just kind of given up – he’d been a great person and something bad happened, he realized that it all wasn’t worth it and went hard. Basically he gave up. Usually something happens to redeem this guy, but he usually dies as a result of it.

Stephen King has been quoted as saying that he writes about “ordinary people placed in extraordinary situations” – this is generally what sets him apart from many other horror authors. Where one author may write about a monster in the closet, King is generally telling you a story about a community in which there is a family who has a closet with a monster in it, and how that monster brings the community into chaos. But we usually find that the community was already on its way there from the beginning, and the monster just kinda set things into a faster downward spiral.

The characters that the Cycle of Existence tells the story of are not ordinary people. They are extraordinary. This actually has little to nothing to do with supernatural ability, it has to do with personality. In all of the billions of people oblivious to the terrible things that happen out there when the lights go out (or even when they’re on for that matter), the characters in CoE are the people who decide to do something about it. These people could give a shit less whether anyone ever knows what they did or whether they really “save the world,” they care that they did something, if only a small thing, to fight the decline of reality. When I talk about those who call themselves Old Worlder I’m talking about what I think heroes are. These are people who take up a war against an insurmountable foe with passion, not out of obligation. They do all they can to save people they’ve never met who will almost certainly always treat them as outsiders and would likely have them locked up if given the opportunity. Most old worlders are not pretty-looking strong-jawed superman types, or even well-funded Bruce Waynes of the world. In fact, most people would be scared to death of these guys, if only for the fact that most of them will look like hell. Why do they do all of this; why go through all of this hell? Because the gods tell them to? That’s not the answer, though many of them are quite religious. They do these things because they are passionate about them. Because they know someone has to and because they know they possess the will and the drive to do it. No matter how hard an Old Worlder might seem, he’s likely the kind of guy who smiles at little kids and means it. The kind of person who really cares. This is why the human race in the game is not called human by default, they are Lirie-Kana “people of the struggle.” Most people think humans are a virus or generally scum, but I think that’s a load of crap personally. Humans are capable of incredible feats of compassion, will and hope. Now, they are also capable of horrible atrocities. In short, we are a balanced race of people. The problem with humans is most in the end do actually give a shit about others but it’s too hard to walk that path. The characters that CoE focuses on care little for recognition. They fight to know that they made a difference, even if only a small one. To me, this is what a hero is.

In life, of course, the Dark is far less easy of a foe to combat, There are no real antagonists to go after, no cults to stop, no demons to unsummon. Those of us who choose to fight “the Dark” as it is are those who fight against people losing their dreams, their faith and their hope. We don’t get much recognition either, but, as a consolation, we don’t get eviscerated by demons either. Heroism to me is a passion for improving the lives of others without interest in personal gain from doing so. Honor is staying true to your beliefs and following them to the end, no matter how difficult it is.
Power can be taken from you, but integrity is something only you can lose.

From Denton, TX 6 March 2006

– Ashe